Putt-Putt

I am not talking bird language or for that matter abusing in an ancient tongue. ”Putt-Putt” is the name of a game. It is the name given to miniature golf where there are 18 holes to be conquered. Each course is not more than 10 feet and you play it delicately by putting the ball to the hole and hence the name putt-putt.

We were four friends seeking ways to spend the evening. Of course, we could have gone to a movie, where we look at accomplished people performing, or just spend time in a park leisurely talking our evening through. But no, all my friends raised the bar and they themselves wanted to perform and so it was putt-putt. One friend of mine had experience in this form of the game and another played serious golf too. The third friend had not played any sport leave alone putt-putt in a very long time. As for myself, I like to read about great people and once or twice I read about the great Tiger Woods and that was all I knew about golf.

Friend 1 who is the seasonal golfer explained us the rules. We all had five chances each to putt the ball to the hole. I asked him what if we could not do it five chances and he replied that in that case the player moves to the next hole avoiding further embarrassment. Oh! If it is going to be that embarrassing, I am not going to take more than 4 chances.

I looked at the green courses and I thought it was a silly game. Come on! How hard is it going to be, just ten feet and five chances. Oh! Man! If I had known this before I would have given Mr. Woods some serious competition. The first couple of holes went well, and we were all more or less equal. But slowly, the courses became more tortuous and there were more obstacles near the holes.

It started getting so bad that in one case I could not find the damn hole! I felt sorry for myself and I realized that I have taken the gift of vision for granted all these years. But not anymore, I was guessing that it starts with night blindness as in my case and slowly develops. But hey! I finally found it to my relief. Now, what are the chances that you can putt the ball in a hole, you have so much trouble spotting with your naked eye? None!

So, it was no more about putting the ball, it was about spotting the hidden hole for me. I was giving excuses like it was my first time and hence there was nothing to laugh about. But they did not buy it as the friend who had not played any sport for a long time kept putting magically. Well, as for the fun, they were all having it and it was extremely painful for me to keep moving from hole to hole because I could no longer do it in five chances.

Finally, all the holes were done, and to all our shock, our friend who kept away from sports had won. So, I had no excuses whatsoever for finishing at the bottom. My happy evening was an utter disaster but then I got a chance to redeem myself. But this time, I was wise and I just said no thanks!

Next in line was softball. No, don’t let the name fool you. You stand in front of a machine that throws so called “soft balls” at you. As you must have guessed it there is a twist in the tale, otherwise why would I write about it? The twist is that the balls came at a break- neck speed of 90mph. This time, I resigned even before I started. If I could not play the simple putt-putt, I had no reason not to believe, I would end up with a broken neck if I played this game. And trust me, it was a lot more fun to watch from the sidelines than be a part of it.

Finally I learnt my lesson: Nothing like laying back and watching movies for a good evening.

From Dog To Goat

On the third day after I landed, I spent the whole afternoon walking around the university and exploring every bit of it. I did not dare to explore the university earlier because I needed some time to recover not form jet lag but from you- know-what (read previous post).

I could have continued wandering around, but I was sure I was already looking like a dog tired and gasping for breath. I was so hungry that the moment I saw a place that looked like a fast food eatery I went right inside and up to the counter without caring to think what I was going to order.

Now, when you are in completely different country, the food is also going to be completely different. So it usually takes time for one to get used to it. But for vegetarians, there is no getting used to it, ever!

“How may I help you?” The lady asked me.

I was still looking around at the people who were eating hoping for clues. Everybody was eating some kind of sandwich or burger. So I went ahead and asked her “Can I get a vegetarian burger?”

The lady: Excuse me sir?

Me: A vegetarian burger, please.

The lady: I’m sorry but we don’t have anything like that.

Me: You don’t have a veggie burger?


The lady: You mean a burger with VEGETABLES?? (Nobody ever looked at me with such disgust all my life)

Now, I have heard of animal rights activists and animal lovers. But plant lovers, no. She was the only lady at the counter and everybody was eating some kind of meat. So, if she could happily give them all the meat they wanted I did not understand why she had so much trouble giving me a veggie burger. Was she so fond of plants and yet had no problem with frying chunks of meat? I had no idea and I was dying with hunger. Just when I thought I was going to starve to death, I saw a board behind her that said “Cheese burger + Fries”.

Me: (Not wasting a second) Well, I’ll go for cheese burger and fries.

The lady: Okay.

So she takes the bread and puts all kinds of vegetables on it. So I realized that she was not a plant lover or should I say a plant saver. It was just that I was asking for something that was not on their menu. Anyway, I was getting what I wanted. That was what I thought until I saw a big brown, circular and striped piece of food being taken off the grill. I asked her what that was, with all the innocence in the whole world hoping not to hear the one word that she said. “BEEF!”. To this day I do not know what part of the word cheese means meat.

Me: Oh! No, please. Thank you, but no. I’ll have the burger just like that.

She: (With that disgusting look on her face again) you want it with just the vegetables?

Me: (without worrying about the look on her face, the least bit) YES!

She said fine and she was about to get some fries when I just grabbed the burger and asked her how much I had to pay. She was reminding me the fries and I almost pleaded with her to just let me go with the burger, because I was afraid those fries would be some kind meat fries instead of the simple good old potato fries.

I finally sat down and took a bite of my burger. And now, I felt like a goat! Because all I could taste was leaves. Now, I realized what all her expressions meant. For the first time in my life I was sad about being a vegetarian. But I was so hungry that I did not mind being a goat. So I just went on…..Chheww, chhoww, chheww, chhoww……..

The Eventful Flight

Until that point in my life there were very few moments when I was hyper active at 2a.m. I had left behind my family and was for the first time going to be away from them for a long time. I know you would expect me to be sad about it. But, hell no, I was all excited about my first flight ever! It was my first flight because I prefer not to consider the 50 minute domestic flight I took along with my family when I was 12. Anyway, I was comfortably sitting in an aisle seat waiting for the plane to take off and exploring the interiors of the flight.

I was stretching my neck to get a glimpse of the air hostesses who were talking among themselves behind the curtains. As if that wasn’t inconvenient enough, the lights were turned off because at 2a.m. the world usually sleeps. I turned my neck, well I had to turn it or break it and so I chose the former, and bingo there she was sitting right next to me and looking at me with a glitter in her eyes which no air hostess would have matched. I smiled at her and she returned it courteously. I looked away because if I talked to her right off she would not have maintained her interest in me.

I dreamt on for some time about her, or should I say about US. Both of us would go to the same university, become friends, fall in love, get good jobs, get married and have kids. I looked again at her. Oh no, that was the objective but she had buried herself under the blankets. She fell asleep I assumed, or was my smile so scary that she hid herself in those blankets? So much for the dream.

I woke up in the morning and the journey continued without much ado. About that girl, well I kept my distance because I did not want to scare her again. I changed flights and parted ways with her. To get to my connecting flight I had to walk so much in the airport that I felt like I was walking all across the continent. The whole point of flight travel seemed to be lost. Well they make you pay exorbitant prices and make you walk almost all the way to your destination.

I finally came to this airport after another boring flight. Again I had to walk miles to get to my connecting flight, only this time, to make things more exciting I was lost! I wandered the airport so much that they would have arrested me because I was sure I went back and forth their CCTVs a dozen times. So I gave up and went to this security guard for help. She took my boarding pass and told me “ Walk down the stairs on your right, go straight, take a left, keep walking and take the last right. Board the train that you will find there in five minutes.”

Me: “But officer I have the flight ticket, why do you want me to take a train”.

Officer: Laughing out loud……so much that everybody started looking in my direction. “Well the train will get you to the terminal not your destination”.

Everybody around realized what had happened and before I could see them roll on the floor and laugh I ran away. But the officer was still shouting “You don’t have to run you still have five more minutes”.

Me: Not slowing down the least bit….. “THANK YOU” but please leave me alone.